In the year of our Lord 2020, the Lord told Noah “I want you to build an Ark because I am going to destroy the earth by a flood. You have one year to get it done!” At the beginning of 2021, the Lord re-visited Noah to check on his progress, but found Noah in a deep funky depression. The Lord asked, “Why are you sitting on your duff, and haven’t completed work on the Ark?”
Noah asked the Lord for forgiveness, explaining he had encountered many unforeseen obstacles. “First, everywhere I wanted to build was restricted by city planners and other developers. The next place found was in a 500 year flood plain, and no construction was permitted. Then I found another place, but the EPA needed an extensive environmental impact study. Following that process, I learned that a tiny endangered fish was in my creek, and I had to relocate. Then I learned that the wood you wanted me to use came from federal land, and all harvesting there was prohibited, something about ‘old growth forest’. When I started gathering the animals, I was sued by PETA for confining animals against their will, and that the housing for them was too confining. The permits required to obtain certain species was either too extensive or even prohibited.”
“COVID showed up and it was nearly impossible to find workers, and when I did, the Ark Building Union, local, state, and federal agencies shut me down for not hiring union workers, and for not being diverse enough in my hiring process. No more than half of my workers could be men, and three-quarters had to be other than white. When I needed more tools or materials, most local stores were either closed, or had very restrictive business hours. Do you know how many masks a person has to use each day in and around saw dust and dirt? The federal government didn’t recognize me as what they called ‘an essential business’, so I couldn’t get the numbers of masks I needed, and often had to halt construction. I was forced to use alternative energy sources, as I often exceeded something called ‘my carbon emissions quota’. Please forgive me, Lord, but I don’t think I’ll ever get the Ark built.”
The darkened skies began to clear, and a great rainbow stretched from one horizon to the other. Noah asked, “Lord, are you not going to destroy the earth?” The Lord responded to Noah, “No, the government has already beat me to it.”
(adopted from an earlier story, author unknown)
Plan to go mask free and open up all businesses fully on July 4, 2021